You know. We've been busy?
As Mark Twain once said, "Just make up a quote." And he was right. Before we dive into the exquisite submarine that is Le Pierre Sanchez, let us tell you where we've been and what we've been doing. Time has passed, dear readers, but hearts have not.
I, Marcy, decided to spend the year after graduating college back-packing through small town America. I left behind the creature comforts of the ranch for the open road. For twelve glorious months, my journal and I explored post-recession America. I spent a lot of time sketching and pressing flowers in books. And sketching the flowers I pressed in books. And pressing the books I sketched in flowers. At night, I would read beat poetry (my personal favorite is Dan Brown, look him up) and sometimes cry. Friends were made, laughers were laughed, and creatures were comforted.
My, Caitlin's, last year was equally-- if not substantially more-- adventurous as Marcy's. After graduating from Brown University with a 4.0 GPA, I was offered several entry-level positions working at prominent banking firms. I accepted the one that offered the most sustainable health benefits. On my first day, I was overwhelmed by the welcoming nature of our HR Rep, Diane Wurton. Diane led me through my first day, helping me transition from college life to the corporate world.
My first project involved diving deeply into the stockpile portfolios of Wallace & Co Brothers. My first hurdle was that I needed the column width to be exactly 64. I did that by entering 64 in the box for "column width." I knew that I wanted 1-2 decimal points after each figure, but I chose 2, just to be safe. I did that by typing in "2" in the Digits Past Decimal box. I experimented with not typing the number, but simply pressing the up and down arrows until the number I was looking for showed up. That also worked.
Now, enough catching you blog-so-fans up! Onto what you've all tuned back in for: a culinary adventure featuring the bright and inspiring Meryl Streep & Amy Adams & Caitlin & Marcy (?).
As a "welcome back" dicks, we've decided to
conceptualize to craft to create to crouton a TRULY classic dish: Le Pierre Sanchez. While this dish is slightly more difficult to execute than our typical user-friendly recipes, it is absolutely worth the effort. We make up for the slightly elevated effort-level by keeping those hard-earned D's in your pock. This dish only requires-- drumroll please-- pause for effect-- wait for it-- O.N.E. D.O.L.L.A.R. (+ 39 cents + 1.65). You heard me right: one CRISP dollar (+39 cents + 1.65). In order to properly execute Le Pierre Sanchez, traditionalists require you start with an extremely crisp dollar, so we've created a tutorial on how to crisp dollars on our external how-to blog: click here.
Step Obe: Take that Crisp dollar over to your local El Pollo Loco. NOT Taco Bell. NOT Del Taco. EPL only. Hand that Crishp dollar to any employee. Say "Obe BRC burrito, NOW." They will respond very positively to that. They should bring it you very quickly. Once they've brought it to you, bypass the salsa bar, bypass the soda fountain, bypass the beckoning plastic seats, put the BRC straight into your army-navy duffle, and drive home. Locate your standard ceramic ice cream-shaped bowl, and take a second to assess your surroundings: is there sunlight streaming in through the window? Does the carpet feel nice against your toes?
Step Two: If the answer to either of those questions is YES or NO, proceed to Step Two. Using some sort of precision utensil, precisely scrape the contents of your BRC into your ceramic ice-cream bowl. We know. Your wheels are TURNING. The beans are in the bowl. The tortilla is strewn about like some kind of war criminal and it looks like things can't get any worse. This means you're doing it right.
Step Three?: So far, we imagine you've been struggling with these directions. This is a fairly advanced dish. We said that from the outset, so please don't be frustrated, although you probably are. Luckily, this next step is truly simple. Wipe the sweat off your brow, follow the directions below (and don't forget to consult those pictures, too!), and you will be set.
Set your tortilla in to a 3.6 radial tri-hexagonal diaphragm. Follow Pascal's triangle numberical derivatives in a form-folding lineage. Continue this pattern with logarithmic growth until complete satisfaction is achieved (see images below). You'll know.
Place the origamed tortilla in the midst of the BRC innards. Your post-final product should look something like the image next door:
We've walked through the dessert (bing!) and come out the other side stronger, wronger, and fronger. Sometimes, when you climb the mountain, however, you still have to plant the flag. To top off this Olympian feast, you're going to add a pretty pink cookie to the top of it. The following are acceptable pink cookies: a cookie that's pink, a cookie you make pink, or a cookie that's beige.
Voila. Viola. You are done. BUT WAIT, we're missing one key ingredient. Some sort of connection to Meryl Streep and Amy Adams. And for that matter, between the cookie and the dish.
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