Like Water for Hip Hop

It's time for a SPEED post, y'all. We're about to head off to our bio-weekly (that's a pun involving weeks and biology) expert-level hip-hop dance-class and only have MINUTES to spare.

We often find ourselves rushing from work to make it to Benji's class, but in order to be at our utmost, we need sustainative energy. So we got talking: what are the best quick-fix snacks-for a Tuesday dance course?

We couldn't think of anything. Ideas included "water" and "bacon." When I say "included" I mean "those were the only ideas we had."

My favorite type of water is usually Arrowhead.

My favorite type of bacon is usually bacon. However sometimes my favorite type of bacon is water.

Anyway, we just wanted to stop in and give our blog-so-sphere some quick tips for some water- and bacon-related snacks. You're welcome!

How-To: Dollar Crisping Techniques

You've probably heard of a number of ways to crisp a dollar, as the concept is often featured on PBS. We like to think we've got a few different ideas up our sleeve, though :-)). Here are Meryl & Amy & Caitlin & Marcy's fav ways to crishp dollaz:

1. Place the slightly crumpled dollar bill in between pages 222 and 226 of Jonathan Frazen's award-winning novel The Corrections. Close the book. Leave it inside the book for 20-27 minutes. DO NOT GO OVER 27 MINUTES!

2. Place the dollar bill in your hand and take a handful of vanilla almond cluster cereal on top of it. This should create a difficult-to-replicate crisp(i)ness.

3. Coat a nonstick frying pan with Trader Joe's extra virgin olive oil. Let it heat for three minutes on medium-low. Add the dollar.

Le Pierre Sanchez

Rejoice Blog--so--sphere! We have returned! After a long and painful absence, Meryl, Amy, Caitlin, and Marcy are BACK!

You know. We've been busy?

As Mark Twain once said, "Just make up a quote." And he was right. Before we dive into the exquisite submarine that is Le Pierre Sanchez, let us tell you where we've been and what we've been doing. Time has passed, dear readers, but hearts have not.

I, Marcy, decided to spend the year after graduating college back-packing through small town America. I left behind the creature comforts of the ranch for the open road. For twelve glorious months, my journal and I explored post-recession America. I spent a lot of time sketching and pressing flowers in books. And sketching the flowers I pressed in books. And pressing the books I sketched in flowers. At night, I would read beat poetry (my personal favorite is Dan Brown, look him up) and sometimes cry. Friends were made, laughers were laughed, and creatures were comforted.

My, Caitlin's, last year was equally-- if not substantially more-- adventurous as Marcy's. After graduating from Brown University with a 4.0 GPA, I was offered several entry-level positions working at prominent banking firms. I accepted the one that offered the most sustainable health benefits. On my first day, I was overwhelmed by the welcoming nature of our HR Rep, Diane Wurton. Diane led me through my first day, helping me transition from college life to the corporate world.

My first project involved diving deeply into the stockpile portfolios of Wallace & Co Brothers. My first hurdle was that I needed the column width to be exactly 64. I did that by entering 64 in the box for "column width." I knew that I wanted 1-2 decimal points after each figure, but I chose 2, just to be safe. I did that by typing in "2" in the Digits Past Decimal box. I experimented with not typing the number, but simply pressing the up and down arrows until the number I was looking for showed up. That also worked.

Now, enough catching you blog-so-fans up! Onto what you've all tuned back in for: a culinary adventure featuring the bright and inspiring Meryl Streep & Amy Adams & Caitlin & Marcy (?).

As a "welcome back" dicks, we've decided to

conceptualize to craft to create to crouton a TRULY classic dish: Le Pierre Sanchez. While this dish is slightly more difficult to execute than our typical user-friendly recipes, it is absolutely worth the effort. We make up for the slightly elevated effort-level by keeping those hard-earned D's in your pock. This dish only requires-- drumroll please-- pause for effect-- wait for it-- O.N.E. D.O.L.L.A.R. (+ 39 cents + 1.65). You heard me right: one CRISP dollar (+39 cents + 1.65). In order to properly execute Le Pierre Sanchez, traditionalists require you start with an extremely crisp dollar, so we've created a tutorial on how to crisp dollars on our external how-to blog: click here.

Step Obe: Take that Crisp dollar over to your local El Pollo Loco. NOT Taco Bell. NOT Del Taco. EPL only. Hand that Crishp dollar to any employee. Say "Obe BRC burrito, NOW." They will respond very positively to that. They should bring it you very quickly. Once they've brought it to you, bypass the salsa bar, bypass the soda fountain, bypass the beckoning plastic seats, put the BRC straight into your army-navy duffle, and drive home. Locate your standard ceramic ice cream-shaped bowl, and take a second to assess your surroundings: is there sunlight streaming in through the window? Does the carpet feel nice against your toes?

Step Two: If the answer to either of those questions is YES or NO, proceed to Step Two. Using some sort of precision utensil, precisely scrape the contents of your BRC into your ceramic ice-cream bowl. We know. Your wheels are TURNING. The beans are in the bowl. The tortilla is strewn about like some kind of war criminal and it looks like things can't get any worse. This means you're doing it right.

Step Three?: So far, we imagine you've been struggling with these directions. This is a fairly advanced dish. We said that from the outset, so please don't be frustrated, although you probably are. Luckily, this next step is truly simple. Wipe the sweat off your brow, follow the directions below (and don't forget to consult those pictures, too!), and you will be set.

Set your tortilla in to a 3.6 radial tri-hexagonal diaphragm. Follow Pascal's triangle numberical derivatives in a form-folding lineage. Continue this pattern with logarithmic growth until complete satisfaction is achieved (see images below). You'll know.

Place the origamed tortilla in the midst of the BRC innards. Your post-final product should look something like the image next door:

We've walked through the dessert (bing!) and come out the other side stronger, wronger, and fronger. Sometimes, when you climb the mountain, however, you still have to plant the flag. To top off this Olympian feast, you're going to add a pretty pink cookie to the top of it. The following are acceptable pink cookies: a cookie that's pink, a cookie you make pink, or a cookie that's beige.

Voila. Viola. You are done. BUT WAIT, we're missing one key ingredient. Some sort of connection to Meryl Streep and Amy Adams. And for that matter, between the cookie and the dish.

Dear Chili's, Regarding cinnamon sweet shots

I just mailed this letter to Chili's, and I urge all of our many many followers to send a similar letter. Even if you never had the pleasure of putting a cinnamon sweet shot in your mouth, trust the food experts and know, these are worth the 49cent stamp (wait, how much IS a stamp??)

Dear The Awesome but Somewhat Misguided People Who Make Chili’s A Reality,

This letter has been a long time coming. First, I should say that I LOVE Chili’s. You have provided my friends and me with endless laughs, surprises, and deliciously snarky waiters. However, a little under a year ago, you made a fatal flaw in your menu upheaval. I have been meaning to write you about it for a long time, but could not, due to the extreme depression I was plunged into after the discovery.

You must know what I’m talking about by now… YOUR WARM CINNAMON ROLL SWEET SHOTS!! Where, oh where, have they gone? I suppose you were trying to ease me into their absence. First, you accidentally serve me a cold cinnamon roll sweet shot—a harsh blow, but still better than nothing. Then, I move to New York City where the only Chili’s is out in the Staten Island boonies, making Chili’s pleasure nearly inaccessible. Then, finally, you remove the cinnamon shots from the menu entirely, a bitter fact it took me months to discover.

I noticed them sorely lacking from the menu in October of last year, when I was dining at a Chili’s at some giant mall outside the city. My waitress could not tell me definitively whether they were gone for good or just out of “season.” Months passed, and I finally returned to the Providence Chili’s in March. I excitedly ordered a cinnamon sweet shot, and one of your lovely waiters, Ed* (*I have no idea what his name was), informed me that sweet shots were no longer a Chili’s menu item.

Needless to say, that moment was by far the worst I’ve ever experienced. I took a deep breath, but the tears began. I put my head down on the table. Ed began to explain to the tear-stained, crumbled blob I had become that “some menu items are popular with individuals but not with the masses, and this one was one of them.”

Now, I forgo all attempts at articulateness and just BEG: please please put the cinnamon shots back on the menu!!! I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THE OTHER SWEET SHOTS. The rest of them were mediocre, and I’m hesitant to even associate them with the pure, ooey-gooey, sweet, warm deliciousness of the cinnamon roll shot. And it’s not just me: I bought these shots for many a non-believer friend. They asked, “how good could they be?” I said, “they’ll be the best thing you’ve ever put in your mouth.” And you know what? After one bite, EVERY one of them agreed (probs)!

I suggest a targeted marketing campaign focused solely on getting the word out about these cinnamon sweet shots. The new Chili’s slogan could be: “Pepper in some CINNAMON ROLL SWEET SHOTS!” Or “Chili’s. Like no place else because no other place has CINNAMON ROLL SWEET SHOTS!” Or even “Chili’s Baby Back CINNAMON ROLL SWEET SHOTS.” I work in marketing, so I sort of know what I’m talking about.

Much love coupled with severe disappointment, and beneath that… hope,

Caitlin Barry

P.S. I would also accept as a consolation the recipe so I can make them myself, or a lifetime supply of them just for me. Thank you.

A new future as professional food bloggers?

My yelp review for CHILI'S: aqui

If you are too laze:

Chili's Bar and Grill, affectionately known as "Chili's", is a truly phenomenal establishment. The food is hot, crunchy, and made-to-order. The waiters are young, charming, and resemble Seth Rogen. And the decor, the ambiance... I step into a Chili's and all my troubles float away.

A mere two years ago I knew nothing about Chili's other than that it was the place people go to "live a little" or "pepper in some fun." One night, it all changed. My good friend Marla was having her 20th birthday, and my friend Darcy and I had to plan an EVENTFUL evening to celebrate. We were just spitballing... where can we go just a little wild, but with style and class? For some reason unbeknownst to us, Chili's floated into our minds. "Chili's? Where they have baby back ribs and awesome blossoms? [although they don't actually have these anymore] What's so great about Chili's?" GOOD QUESTION.

We stepped into the Westwood Chili's locay (convenient for ucla students!) and sat down immediately; no velvet ropes here. Our waiter came over looking like he just stepped off the plane from Miami. Actually, I think it was a female waiter that time, but no matter. One of us was wearing somewhat absurd princess gear, and they just smiled and took our orders. I got the honey chipotle chicken strips. I'll never forget them! They were so hot and crispy! They came with mashed po-tot-oes and a big hunk of buttered corn. I don't remember what my friends got, because I'm pretty self obsessed, but I do remember each one of us leaving feeling truly on top of the world.

Since then, Chili's became our haunt. Whenever we feel down in the dumps-- maybe we couldn't get tickets to a screening of a hot new movie-- we head on over to Chili's for a little pick-me-up.

Last time I went, I got their new mini-tacos. LET ME TELL YOU, THEY ARE NOT MINI AT ALL! They are stuffed with flavor and smokiness (because I got the smoked chicken). They were, like, gourmet. Also, their desserts are out of this world. The chocolate and chocolate chip lava bundt cake are mounds of sweet heaven. But NOTHING compares to their cinnamon shots. They are only $2 each, but they are literally the best things in the entire world. I tell this to everyone when they go there for the first time, but they never believe me. If they refuse to order one for themselves, I order one for them. But the moment they stick a forkful of that cinnashot in their mouth, they bow down and thank Yahweh that I'm their friend.

The only thing is I hate parking in Westwood. I think Chili's should have it's own parking lot the size of UCLA!!!

IMAGES ARE IN!!!

OK, readers. We just need to cut the bull and apologize. We KNOW that the previous post had been up for over TWELVE hrs without images. And I'm sure ya'll were checking our blog, as per usual, and were delighted to see a new post from your fav Meryl Streep & Amy Adams-focused blog. But then, upon closer analysis you wonder where are the illustrative photographs? I KNOW, right? Truly, we are professionals, and this discrepancy will not happen again.

No Doubt: Peanut Butter, Two Ways

Good Morning sports fans! It's been awhile!

Today has been a real culinary and cinematic treat for Meryl, Amy, Caitlin, and Marcy. Let us tell you why. "Why?" you ask? Let us tell you. To begin, we built up an appetite in our bellies and brains with a little roller bladin'. It was exercise. We were joined by our neighborhood friend (who, to protect anonymity, we will call Alice Krishner :)!) for a pre-dinner screening of the Meryl Streep and Amy Adams classic Doubt (also starring the ALWAYS FINE Phillop Seymoust Houffmin). After that, it was time for a tasty ethnic meal: ra ra ramen! (not the kind out of a bag LOL) with a dear friend of ours (who, to protect anonymity, we will call Barry Berry :)!!). We returned, mouths and minds satiated but still wanting more.

We were home and in need of an easy, but flashy sweet treat. We stepped into the kitch and realized we hadn't had time to go the grocery store!!!!!! So, we decided to use peanut butter. I know what you're thinking: "Peaunt buttre. Boorrrinngg." Well, get off your high horse, because we got news for you! There are a couple of simple ways to flash it up, using ingredients you can find in almost any kitchen.

To back track a bit, Doubt had us thinking about the fine line between doubt and certainty. Naturally, this lead to comtemplation of the limitless dichotomies of peanut butter. In fact, there are SO MANY ways to flash up a classic peanut butter dish that we decided to prepare a duo of peaunt buttre using two very different (and verrrrry delicious!) types of peanot buttar.

The first recipe makes use of a family favorite brand: smooth, overprocessed, Reduced Fat Jif. This recipe has two steps; the first is the more complicated so c&p this into a word docu for your files. Take a SPOON and scoop up the Jif. Put it on a PLATE. Phew. OK, now the hard part is behind us! I know you're exhausted after that, and you think, this is an exquisite dish as is. But here's the D: although Jif is delightful when it hits the tongue, a wise woman once said "I like the crunch of the noodles." And she had a point. Crunchy noodles are often more pleasing than their limp dick counterparts. One word: Cascadian Fields High Fiber Cluster Flakes.

The second recipe calls for a more natural favorite: Laura Scudder's "Nutty". Now this recipe may LITERALLY be the easiest thing I have ever done. Put some Laura Scudder's Nutty on a piece of bread. Any bread will work. Guess what? YOU'RE DONE. Don't believe me? Put it in your mouth. I know what you're thinking: DAHYUM, actions speak louder than words.

But really, what does it mean to be a compassionate person? More importantly, how can we get closer to God? Trader Joe's Berry Bonanza Juice is a rich, deep purple mystery. And it is an absolutely luscious pairing to our duo of butters. But, given the difference in tastes and textures of our two dishes, it seemed improper to serve TJ's BB in the same ethereal form for both. Sometimes the vessel creates the meaning. For the more upscale of the two, we serve BB in a wine glass. For it's artisan counterpart, a vase. Berry Bonanza's never tasted so good, except when it didn't taste a little bit like leftover dirt from when we kept flowers in the vase.














On a final note, we were really struck by the elegant use of Dutch angles in Doubt. Also, y'all need to get down to El Pollo Loco real quick. BRC for only ONE DOLLAR? Don't DOUBT IT!